and that will mark the year anniversary. 365 days without you is surreal. seems like more. seems like yesterday. i can wrap my head around it. i just cannot wrap my heart around it. i remember your voice … I’m okay, honey… i remember hearing the fall and calling 911 and opening the garage door for the paramedics. i remember your clear blue eyes closing and i remember begging you not to leave. i remember when it was over. i remember asking you to please come back. i remember it all as though i was floating above just watching and feeling like my heart was so heavy it could fall from my body. and for most of the time, i couldn’t cry and i couldn’t think and i couldn’t talk. i just was.
i remember it all.
i remember other things too.
i remember you swinging my little sisters around and around in the front yard while they begged for more.
i remember the first time you held my hand as we walked to Teller Arms in the dark.
i remember the first kiss and a million kisses after that.
i remember the drives in the night and sitting in the quiet of the darkness just gazing at the stars and holding each other.
i remember how you forgot the marriage license before our wedding.
i remember you giving a verbal lashing to a customer I was trying to help at the service counter at Gibson’s because she was being so rude to me.
i remember your tenderness holding each of your tiny sons on the day of their birth.
i remember you meeting your grand babies for the first time.
i remember trying to get to sleep by “singing” a song in my head and you finishing the lyric sound asleep.
i remember finishing each other’s sentences.
i remember lots of things, but mostly, i remember You.
November 3, 2016