August 3 2016
I am slowly graduating to actually making myself dinner. Yes. I have traded in my cereal bowl and grilled cheese pan for a real dinner. Well, real meaning at least some meat and a bit of veggies. Chicken and green beans tonight.
I sat on the sofa like we always did. Watched one of “our” shows and ate dinner, Whoever invented the concept of eating alone is stupid. It’s not that I need just ANY company, I just need YOUR company. I need you to sit beside me and watch a show and laugh together and sometimes cry together. I need you to lean back on the sofa when we are done eating so I can lay my head on your chest and listen to your heartbeat while you watch the show. That’s what I need, That’s what I want.
But I am trying to get back to normal, whatever normal is. I look up at your photo on the wall and I can hear your laughter and I can hear all the smartass comments you would make at just the right time. I can hear you recite lines from movies we saw 40 years ago … I’ve got this lawyer friend downtown …and they were picking up little babies in their beaks… our little inside jokes that no one else would think was funny. But we did.
I miss you like it was the first day you were gone. I know your spirit lives on. I so hope that you can feel the love. I know I do.