24 days


and that will mark the year anniversary.  365 days without you is surreal.  seems like more.  seems like yesterday.  i can wrap my head around it.  i just cannot wrap my heart around it.   i remember your voice … I’m okay, honey… i remember hearing the fall and calling 911 and opening the garage door for the paramedics.  i remember your clear blue eyes closing and i remember begging you not to leave.  i remember when it was over.  i remember asking you to please come back.  i remember it all as though i was floating above just watching and feeling like my heart was so heavy it could fall from my body.  and for most of the time, i couldn’t cry and i couldn’t think and i couldn’t talk.  i just was.

i remember it all.

i remember other things too.

i remember you swinging my little sisters around and around in the front yard while they begged for more.

i remember the first time you held my hand as we walked to Teller Arms in the dark.

i remember the first kiss and a million kisses after that.

i remember the drives in the night and sitting in the quiet of the darkness just gazing at the stars and holding each other.

i remember how you forgot the marriage license before our wedding.

i remember you giving a verbal lashing to a customer I was trying to help at the service counter at Gibson’s because she was being so rude to me.

i remember your tenderness holding each of your tiny sons on the day of their birth.

i remember you meeting your grand babies for the first time.

i remember trying to get to sleep by “singing” a song in my head and you finishing the lyric sound asleep.

i remember finishing each other’s sentences.

i remember lots of things, but mostly, i remember You.

holding hands

 November 3, 2016