it’s Christmas Eve

and less than two hours before Santa fills stockings and leaves special gifts for the good little boys and girls.  Once again, I made the trek to Jo-Ann’s and Michael’s to pick up odds and ends for next year at 70% off.  I always look forward to opening my Christmas storage containers and finding new “treats for the eye”, as you would say.  The smell of fireplaces drifts in the neighborhood and makes its way into the house.  Desert is made to take to Christmas dinner tomorrow and Christmas movies have played back to back since early this morning.

I watch the old ones and the new ones faithfully.  Well, I really listen more than watch because I know most of them so well, that I can work on accounting and walk in and out of the house and can pick up just where I left off.  You watched a large portion of the movies with me – not always by choice.  You don’t have to watch them all the way through to know how they will end.   There is a cantankerous relationship in the beginning which turns from a crush to ever lasting love sealed with a kiss.  I have to turn my eyes away from the screen most times.  I will admit it stings.  Better if I pretend I do not see.  I pretend a lot these days.

Our stockings are still hanging.   Instead of the sentimental cards and my favorite perfume, I have filled the stocking with some greenery and a beautiful rose in each one.  Couldn’t bear to see them hanging empty.  Tomorrow morning I will go to the kids house and the little ones can show me what they got for Christmas and I will watch them play with their new toys for a bit.

I am so happy that you are no longer in the pain and discomfort you endured for so many years.  But, I miss you.  I miss the “Merry Christmas, Baby” and our own ever lasting love sealed with a kiss.  I don’t know why it has to be this way…why we couldn’t have had a longer time together with you still riding your bicycles and feeling strong.  I don’t know why and it really doesn’t matter now.  It is what it is.  Still trying to accept it.

Don’t know if I ever will.

Merry Christmas, honey.  All of my love – Forever.  and ever.

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