widow …

 

the word

 

consumes itself.

I ran across this quote recently.  Did you ever notice how some words look like what the word actually means?  Take the word UGLY.  The spelling is even unsightly; it is its own word – ugly.  I’ll bet you kind of scowl when you say it.  Now, take the word SERENDIPITY. That word rolls out of your mouth like musical notes – light & airy…playful, even. WIDOW.  Such a dark and heavy sounding word.  No one smiles or has a lilt in their voice when they say that word.  WIDOW.  It is what it is…sad, depressing and so final. I have to say that I don’t really like it.  But it is mine now.  My tag.  My label. My very identification.

Our anniversary is tomorrow.  April 5th.  1971.

We were just kids.  Happy.  In love.  Pregnant!  And a little bit scared.  Maybe more than a little bit.  Your mom and sister were there from your family.  Daddy had disowned me as his daughter and did not allow any member of my family to attend.  But Peggy and Debi were there for me.  And to my delight, but not surprise,  Peggy & Debi are still here for me.  Like sisters.

You had to borrow a formal jacket from a work friend.  Friends at City Market made our little cake.  Kathy made my dress and was my bridesmaid.  Choya stood up for you.  Pastor Todd officiated.

Pastor Todd knew our whole story.  We had a long counseling session with him before he would agree to marry this pregnant barely 19-year-old and her 18-year-old boyfriend.  At the end of the session, he deemed us worthy to be married.  For better.  For worse.  ‘Till death us do part.  And so it did.

But not before we shared 44 years of birthdays and Easters and anniversaries and Christmases.  Not before we shared 44 years of never wavering love and old cars running out of gas and the loss of five little babies, that were not meant to be, I guess.  44 years of hopes and wishes and dreams of growing old together.  44 years of marriage and sons and grandbabies and gut wrenching heartaches and amazing milestones.

And through it all we were together.  Holding hands.  Completing each other’s sentences.  Soothing each other’s fevers.  Sharing each other’s accomplishments. TOGETHER.  Another good word.  A pleasant sounding word.  A word in many happy songs … “Love will Keep us Together” … “Together again.  My tears have stopped falling” …

“Together at last!  Together for ever!

We’re tying a knot, They never can sever!”

You get what I am saying.

Does one celebrate an anniversary as a WIDOW?  (There’s that dark word again.)  Celebrate probably isn’t the right word.  But I will ponder it all during the day.  I do anyway, but probably more so tomorrow.

April 5th.

Yeah.  That was a good day.

That was the best day.