another Thanksgiving …

without you.

To say I am most thankful for the time we had together … in good times and in bad … in sickness and in health … just like Father Todd said on that one evening so many years ago, well, that would be such an understatement.  The early Thanksgivings that were difficult – estranged from my family and a love so strong that I had to make a choice.  And I did.  I chose you.  Another thankful check mark.

Days like today, I count my blessings.  I also count my losses – November is a tough month for me.  I wish I could be totally happy on Thanksgiving; but it hurts.  My heart aches and the ache will turn to tears and I will slip away for just a moment to regain my composure and then rejoin the crowd.  I miss you so.  I wish I could come up with the word that would show my feeling – but I can’t.  You could always feel my joy as well as my pain.  That is what made the hurt bearable.  Now you are gone and I need to handle it all on my own.  I don’t like it, but that is what it is.   I never needed the world to love me.  I only needed you.  Another gratitude.

Why did I fall in love with you so completely, that it makes losing you so overwhelming?  It really doesn’t matter.  If I had to do it all over again knowing I would lose you again, I would.  I so very selfishly would.  I love you, honey.  Happy Thanksgiving.