more firsts

I awakened to the annoying chirping of the smoke alarm.  I tried to ignore it, but it continuously sticks in your brain … chirp … chirp chirp chirp …  This must be how you feel being pecked to death by a chicken.   Had to drive to the store to get the 9v battery because our little container of batteries held everything but 9v.  I realized, when I stood on the ladder looking at this chirping thing, that I have never changed a battery in a smoke alarm as long as I have lived.  Not a big deal to get done.  Just another reminder that you are gone.

Today, I went to the Mall to get an eye exam and new glasses.  My everyday glasses wouldn’t be ready for a week, but my sunglasses only took an hour.  While I waited, I strolled over to the food court and bought dinner.  I held the tray and looked around for your familiar face – and you were not there.  I ate alone and as I watched couples walk by and settle into a booth to talk and eat, I found myself resenting them.  Why does she have her husband and I have none?  

I can see that I am not wearing this thing called widowhood very graciously.  It is your fault.  You cared for me too well.  I never had to change a smoke alarm battery before,  I didn’t pump my gas.  I never ate alone.  Curse you for caring and loving and spoiling me.  In a blink of an eye, it’s all gone.

oh, but, it was sure nice while it lasted.