table for one

August 3 2016

I am slowly graduating to actually making myself dinner.  Yes.  I have traded in my cereal bowl and grilled cheese pan for a real dinner.  Well, real meaning at least some meat and a bit of veggies.  Chicken and green beans tonight.

I sat on the sofa like we always did.  Watched one of “our” shows and ate dinner,  Whoever invented the concept of eating alone is stupid.  It’s not that I need just ANY company,  I just need YOUR company.  I need you to sit beside me and watch a show and laugh together and sometimes cry together.  I need you to lean back on the sofa when we are done eating so I can lay my head on your chest and listen to your heartbeat while you watch the show.  That’s what I need,  That’s what I want.

But I am trying to get back to normal, whatever normal is.  I look up at your photo on the wall and I can hear your laughter and I can hear all the smartass comments you would make at just the right time.  I can hear you recite lines from movies we saw 40 years ago … I’ve got this lawyer friend downtown …and they were picking up little babies in their beaks… our little inside jokes that no one else would think was funny.  But we did.

I miss you like it was the first day you were gone.  I know your spirit lives on.  I so hope that you can feel the love.  I know I do.