Such complex issues and I imagine very different for every person and every family – based on experiences. A horrific event in a family can turn one against another, spur arguments and change close relationship that you never imagined could change. It is a sad thing when this happens; and believe me, it does happen. I know this from personal experience.
Fear has a way of overshadowing trust. Trust becomes another victim. I am trying to realize that I have to learn from the past and be cautious, but I also must realize and reaffirm to myself, I cannot be fearful and allow my trust to wither away. Trust is a special thing in a family – something that I deserve and something that I have earned. Be cautious. Be careful. But don’t lose trust in me. You may as well just put me in the box and drop me in a hole. Without trust you cannot really love and nourish a relationship. My relationships are worth the effort.
I have spent far too much of my 60 years living in fear and worrying “what if” and trying to fix things that I am not equipped to fix and living in a guilt ridden cloud of “why”? I am working on the fear issue. I am working on my guilt issues. And I am really putting effort into my need to fix issue. I realize I cannot change the past. I cannot undo things that have been done. I cannot keep wondering “what if”? It is not good for me – mentally or physically. And it is not good for the people I admire and love. I cannot make people stay in love; it is not my life. I cannot make the facts of the past fade away; people are responsible for their own actions. I cannot make someone trust me. Although I believe it to be a given, I am not in the other person’s mind. You cannot force fear away – but you can put it on a shelf and not forget the past. You cannot force trust – but you can slowly realize that most people are good and have good intentions and little by little, that trust will return.
I am working on it. Truly I am.